Especially when they occur
INSIDE MY OWN HEAD!
I don't know about you, but I find one of (if not the) the biggest waster of my time is fighting my own thoughts. Not the usual fight for right or wrong, want to or need to, should or shouldn't, etc. but the fight of "I want this - it'll be new, exciting, thrilling, FANTASTIC! For me and for others! vs "Nah, you don't want THAT, you want to stay comfortable right where you are, quiet is what you want. I have this fight nearly 50 times a day and it is driving me BONKERS!
I come from a small town where people live pretty simply. They go to school or work, come home to their families (furry or less furry), have dinner, watch tv, scroll their phones, worry about paying bills, their children, their parents, themselves... etc. When I said simply, I did not mean that to equate that small town people have things easy cause, everyone no matter where they are has problems and faces challenges they'd rather avoid. But, by "simply", I mean, they live "safely and comfortably". They want to have fun, but they keep things fairly private and close to home. I keep referring to these people as "they" or "them" because all of my life, I've dreamt bigger. I've always envisioned a big life, full of excitement and flare! Where I get to be expressive and explore my creative talents and collaborate with others of my creative-kin, and find the magic in life! I grew up always feeling different or like a black sheep in the community, as well as in my own family. I often felt that I didn't quite "fit", or belong. I love my family and my community, don't get me wrong! I am so happy and blessed to have been born into the family I was, where I was raised in a wonderful, friendly and homey community! Whenever I go home to my mom's for visits (which used to be quite frequent - too frequent, or so I thought, but hasn't been as much, lately the busier and more FUTURE FOCUSED mentality) I am beginning to finally appreciate the familiar and welcoming hometown-vibes I get. Which has likely been enhanced due to not having it in my life as often, and also, knowing that the life I am [eagerly] trying to pursue, is SO incredibly bigger, flashier, louder and busier than I have yet to ever fully experience.
But, this brings me to the polarizing part. I now understand why teenagers are encouraged to go through school and graduate and get into college at early ages. Because, when you're younger, you're more excited by life and it's possibilities and feel indestructible (sometimes, to a fault), and are more apt to take leaps of faith, and risks. (I am speaking of my experience in growing up in a hugely Western privileged community, I know that there are other communities where teenagers are thrust into adulthood-mentality way too soon and I am praying for change!) But, if you wait too long to leave home the chances that you ever will become less and less, until you have lived your entire life with one postal/zip code to your name, (as I've witnessed). Or you might do as I have done - leave and come back repeatedly for years, until you, the Universe and the Government/Post Office are super confused and stuck in a loop, which plays with your mind. You want to leave, get out in the world, have freedom, exploration and to know that there IS a big, beautiful world outside of the confines of the small town, but you also love the familiarity, safety and comforts that only 'home' can offer you. And, especially now, in these cruel and majorly uncertain times, I find myself standing smack dab in the crossroads of life desperately trying to decide which path to choose.
The thing is that
I know I'll be "happy" in both scenarios.
Path 1- I push past my fears and doubts and bravely venture out into the world full of great unknowns, some that will knock me down to the ground in a single punch, and others that will pick me up, dust me off and allow me to ride on their backs and soar higher than I could ever imagine! Which, would be an awesome feat, considering how wild and high my imagination can go when it is free and clear!
Path 2 - I welcome my fears and doubts and allow them to keep me safe, warm and cozy and live out the rest of my days feeling safe, secure and comfortable in my simple, "no-muss-no-fuss" little life. Thriving in a peaceful, quiet and inwardly happy and successful sense!
Live the life I've always known and am already well adapted for - OR - Live the life where I don't know everything that's going to happen, but I know it'll be more exciting, thrilling, difficult at times, but far more rewarding in the thrilling, demanding and outwardly exciting and successful sense!
It really is a toss up... but I think, in writing this blog, I've found my answer. And, it all boils down to three little but important words, "... Far more REWARDING...". At the end of my life, whenever that should be, - I'm hopeful for a long life ahead of me, but I am finding more than ever before never to expect anything or take it for granted - I want to know that I tried my best to get the MOST out of my time here on this Earth, and have the most fulfilling human experience I could. I want to make art, tell stories (my own and other peoples'), entertain and inspire people and be someone people remember fondly when I leave, as they do Betty White and Bob Saget, who recently flew on the wings of eagles to their places in heaven, as well as the plethora of others who made their journeys there previously. I'm no longer ashamed to admit that I want to live the life I seek, as I once was. For some reason, I thought people would judge me as "attention-seeking" or "chasing fame" (could be considered the same, but I see them differently), or that my choice of careers wasn't that important to the world in the "bigger picture".
But, I now recognize two things in that:
1) This 'career path' isn't a choice. I was born with a passion to create and be artistic and given the ability to learn skills and use tools that would allow me to go out into the world and express myself. And in doing so, hopefully inspire others to see life in a more beautiful and truly magical light... Which leads me into: 2) This career path IS important in this world, perhaps more than ever before. In these darkened times, people need to be reminded of the lighter, more joy-filled times. We want and need to be safe, but we also need to get away from our problems, we need to get distracted from time to time by something rewarding and that adds value. Whether it is a piece of art to hang on your bare, empty, life-less walls (since the majority of us are staying in and staring at them more) and bring them to life, throwing a record on the turntable (summoning Sinatra & Norah Jones vibes!) or sitting down with your family, your sweet-n-single self, or your fur babies to binge watch your favourite shows or movies. All forms of art are meant to share and be felt by as many people as possible. Through as many of the senses and energy/frequency levels as possible. Art in any form, if it can go deep enough, touch you deep enough and allow you to feel your feelings on the deepest of levels, it can start to heal you from the inside. And as you heal, you become a happier, more effervescent person for yourself and for others in the process, since you become a more enjoyable person to be around... Art has within itself, the power to heal us, change us, and inspires us to grow and become better people. Art is not only important, it is necessary.
So, with all that being said, I am moving forward, onward and upward! I am finally making the decision to once and for all, follow my heart, my dreams and my passions because they are not just going to be for my benefit and happiness, but also because, it could be to YOURS as well! If other people could be inspired to live more fully and abundantly, with passion and a desire to explore all of the possibilities in life, and let fear keep you safe, but not frozen in place. There is a WHOLE WIDE WORLD you can explore and we now have the power to GO anywhere, DO anything and BE anyone we want to be, and we can start going, being and doing it all from the comfort of our own home (until the pandemic relaxes its grip and allows us to be more adventurous outside as well!) thanks to the power of the Internet!!
Hello 2022! Thank you for blessing me and the rest of the people who choose to believe in the miracles of life and are inspired to live their best lives, for themselves and for others!
Thank you for reading! Come back often for more thoughts, stories and epiphanies! (Epiphanies happen in REAL-TIME while writing - surprise for everyone - including me! Yay! :D )
With love & the hope for a beautiful, abundant future!